what is true will always be stable 🦋
on finding certainty in the unknown
When I was in middle school, I played guitar in a garage band with three of my best friends. We were called SUGAR HIGH and our logo was a pink pot leaf. In high school, I wrote & produced R&B songs with my friend who had a recording studio in his home. I asked my dad if I could go to Korea to become a K-Pop trainee (he said no). I won writing competitions. I wrote a family newsletter and made everyone sit in the living room to discuss it. I organized a charity concert for an earthquake in China, a charity concert for breast cancer awareness—the latter of which I composed the scores for a string quartet to accompany my band, with me as the lead singer.
At 32 years old, I’m finally taking my passions seriously and giving my dreams the dignity they deserve. Why has it taken me this long to pursue the path I always knew I was meant to be on?
Our society teaches us to forego what we love to find a path that is “stable.” In lucid terms, our society teaches us to become diligent, unconscious cogs in the capitalist machine, constantly striving for the next superficial marker of success—that ironically, does not bring a sense of true contentment, motivating us to keep working & working until we become shells of ourselves and our time on Earth has run out.
What if we questioned the meaning of “stability”? What if “stable” meant investing our time & energy into endeavors that truly sustained us, and brought genuine contentment, satisfaction, and peace?
I am slowly, certainly learning a new understanding of “stability”, especially as a neurodivergent person who has never thrived in traditional corporate environments, or any dominant systems of culture for that matter. And I’m getting to live into it, by experiencing how stability comes from within me, my relationship to my ancestors & the land, and my trust in myself & the universe.
Take, for example, the uncertainty of my current path: I’m not sure how being a full-time artist will become a financially sustainable career, or what I’ll be doing over the next few years. Dominant systems of culture will never say that being an artist is a smart or stable choice. In fact, capitalism actively suppresses art because true art is threatening; it is the weapon that dismantles the status quo and imagines a better world. But when I am in a divine place, I know that what I’m doing is true to my soul; and what is true will always be stable.
I am finding stability & security in the unknown because I have been here before. I know that the universe always has my back, and that the universe is efficient: it provides me with what I need, when I need it. I also trust myself. I have built businesses before, made money as a freelancer, and know that I thrive when I am creating something new. I feel a deep, ancestral knowing that this path will become a sustainable, decades-long career that will only become more abundant with each passing year.
When I swim in the vast unknown with openness & wonder, the outcome is always greater than where I was before. Now, I am certain that the unknown creates space for things to turn out beyond my current imagination; including the possibility that things may unfold more magnificently than I’m even capable of dreaming of.
There are moments when I wonder if my book launch should have been louder, or flashier. But when I contemplate what true success means to me, it means impacting people and touching their hearts. It means reaching people who look like me: other Asian Americans, queer POC, and burgeoning artists ready to be set free. It means inspiring people to uncover their own liberation, which in turn leads to collective liberation.
On tour, people are sharing with me that my book, my words, my art…have changed them. This makes me feel a true sense of accomplishment that does not leave me longing for the next thing. I did it. There is no ladder rung that comes after the achievement of changing someone on a soul level. My book & I are irrevocably successful—and that is something worth celebrating.
☁️ reflection questions ☁️
What measures of success can you work towards that don’t rely on traditional accolades like press mentions, sales numbers, or institutional validation? How will you know that your work on something is complete?
What brings you true contentment, satisfaction, and peace?
How can you spend more time & energy on these things, even if for just 10 minutes a day?
🗽 new york book tour 🗽
In an inadequate attempt to archive the magic of my book events on social media, I’m realizing that there is no substitute for communing with me & this community in person. Come see me in New York, and bring your friends!
🦋 June 24: Brooklyn 🦋
Powerhouse Arena at 7pm. There will be a reading, Q&A, and book signing.
🦋 June 26: Chinatown 🦋
Yu & Me Books at 5:30pm, in conversation with Jezz Chung. Gentle Oriental (Gabrielle Widjaja) will also be making an appearance to talk about their creative process for the cover art!
Thank you for being here, just as you are. If you’d like to receive my monthly new moon offering and directly support my livelihood as an artist, consider upgrading to a paid subscription for $5/month or $50/year. You can also support me by sharing this newsletter with a friend!