Riding the tides
A peek into the waves of a neurodivergent babe, plus things in my orbit 🪐
Thoughts race through my head like ping pong balls flying across a table, while my body lays on a plush bed, attempting rest. I recount the phrases & numbers I learned in my Japanese lesson, think about how I want to redesign my website, daydream about starting another magazine...I deem each thought fantastic, roads I want to meander down. My partner wakes up, and though she is conscientious about rising, my hypersensitivity means I wake up too. I wonder if I’ve actually gotten any sleep, and feel a pulse of energy in my core & a blanket of fatigue all at the same time.
Today feels different. The last few weeks have been shrouded in a peaceful gloom. Seasonal depression in a place like Denmark, which gets little sunlight in the winter, is no joke. This particular tide felt low, hollow, vast, and empty. I thought, “What if I simply felt complete in life? That I’ve done the utmost I could, I’m proud of myself—and I’m ready to rest?”
I’ve managed these ups & downs my entire life, which seems to be common among neurodivergent people. For me, it shows up as periods of depression, and periods of passion / zest / action. I am trying to find language for this that feels more apt, more kind than manic-depressive tendencies, less rudimentary than ups & downs.
I am grateful that I can ride these waves with more peace and less angst than I’ve been able to in the past; that I have a partner who isn’t afraid to hold my hand through its depths; and that I’m cultivating a true community rooted in mutual aid & support. I am still learning how to ask for help. I am still learning what kind of help I need during each unique moment of my cycles.
I can feel my sparkle starting to shimmer again. I feel relieved, and excited. In these types of waves, I need less sleep, less food, and yet I am voracious with passion & energy for everything I can wrap myself around. I quite literally feel supernatural.
I know that “normal” means being more consistent with my energetic output & moods. I also know that I am not normal, and that’s okay—I’m learning to love this part of me too.
🪐 things in my orbit 🪐
Podcasts that blew my mind: One of my favorite podcasts, For The Wild, interviews eco-feminist Sophie Strand. Holy moly—what a brilliant mind who interweaves the wisdom of nature, strategy of mycelium, art of myth, learnings of disability & community so effortlessly into a world of their own.
Another For The Wild favorite: The living ancestor Trisha Hersey preaches deprogramming from grind culture, the ever-presence of spirit, and wisdom from their lullaby of a book, Rest is Resistance.
An article I enjoyed: Writer & artist Gabi Abrão riffs on removing the shame from self-interest and their perspective on social media in this interview with Sleek Mag.
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