On finding home & true belonging
A peek into my time & learnings at a BIPOC meditation retreat at Magnolia Grove, a monastery in northern Mississippi
on finding home
I’ve been searching for a new home since the start of 2020. Since then, traveled from Crown Heights to Copenhagen, sold my house, fell in love with my person who wisely wrote in a letter, “home will come to you”—and oh, how it has, in full, overwhelming force. Just as I was mourning my place in a community I had poured my heart & soul into building over the past 5 years, the universe gifted me the sangha at Magnolia Grove Monastary. I spent the last 5 days at a BIPOC meditation retreat in Mississippi (close to the heart of our nation’s civil rights movement ✊🏼), breathing and being in the presence of kind and wise souls—both in this dimension and beyond.
Have you ever experienced a silent meal with 70 people, each person taking deep belly breaths, pausing between bites, reverberating with gratitude? Felt the energy of a bustling hall of people clamoring with conversation drop ~everything~ at the sound of a bell to breathe together? Meditated in every moment, each step a kiss to the earth, each meal a ceremony of gratitude? It was my first time practicing mindfulness with a large BIPOC community, and the pure power & collective energy we built together was profound, to say the least.
I am in awe of the humans that make up this sangha. They are activists, peacemakers, and living ancestors; people who have studied & sat with our movement leaders, Dr. King and Thích Nhất Hạnh. They have taught me that home is right here, right now—in the present moment, and inside of me always. They have shown me that my activism is not over because I had to leave the group I was doing my activism with—my activism is my way of life, an innate force in everything I do. They have affirmed the way I move through this world—that it is not slow, it is instead mindful, loving, and deeply needed.
At our closing ceremony, we called on our ancestors. A member of each community spoke to the suffering their communities have endured, and the contributions they have selflessly toiled for to make America the great economic power it is today. It was indescribably powerful. We had members from the Latinx, Black, Asian, Indigenous, Arab, and even Caucasian communities (who acknowledged the pain & suffering her ancestors have caused POC) share, each thunderously & courageously, bringing tears around the meditation hall. Afterwards, we drank tea while people shared poetry, words of wisdom, and song. I read my poem Mourning After in the spirit of collective healing, and felt deeply that the container we created—with the support of our ancestors, each other, and mother Earth—was strong enough to hold & transmute our collective pain.
The morning after, people new to the sangha (myself included) could choose to commit to the five mindfulness trainings through ceremony. Our dharma teachers also gifted us names to encourage us in this lifelong commitment. After the ceremony, I told an elder that my name feels really BIG, and she wisely reminded me that it is already within me. My dharma name is Ancestral Resonance of the Source. It is a reminder of my purpose here on this Earth: to share the source wisdom I’ve been gifted through my words, my art, and my poetry—loudly, with reverberating resonance.
on true belonging
In addition to gifting me a home, my time at Magnolia Grove has also given me a sense of true belonging—both of which reside within me, in the present moment. Dr. Larry Ward, the first Black man to be ordained as a dharma teacher by Thích Nhất Hạnh & author of America’s Racial Karma, wisely reframed the quandary of true belonging as “To what do we belong to?” as the underlying question we’re really asking. The way we pose this question illustrates that we have a limited understanding of belonging—for we belong to something vast and expansive, unable to be captured into words, and by getting caught up in these abstract, philosophical questions, we miss the chance to be present with our breath, and our lives—to which we truly belong.
I write this letter with a renewed sense of purpose, and recommitment to sharing what I’m learning more often. Sharing in this way can feel scary, but I am encouraged by my dharma name and the impact I know it can have. So I ask, dear friend, is there something you want to learn about or hear more of from me? If so, drop me a line by messaging me on Instagram or Twitter @katerinajeng, or leave a comment below. I am committing to writing letters regularly, and it is infinitely more fun & purposeful in dialogue with you.
I am sending you the big, bright energy I feel today, and the deep faith I have in humanity. I have witnessed all of our ancestors laughing & conspiring on another dimension for our safety, peace, and freedom; and I know for certainty that we are in good, immoveable hands.
With overflowing gratitude,
Katerina
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