Learning to Be Offline
on the slow unraveling & massive learning curve
I am writing this from a cabin in the woods, where this morning alone, I shared space with a metallic blue hummingbird, two foxes, and a noisy chipmunk! I’m celebrating my 33rd birthday with a week of being “offline”—an intention that was set, well, very intentionally.
After my book tour, I shared that I’m untangling from social media on an Instagram post and with a few friends, for accountability. Setting this intention made me realize that I’m addicted to the internet. I found myself reaching for my phone to scroll when I had already deleted the Instagram app, or going on my laptop to check my messages. These habits made me reflect on how I grew up with the internet; how these neural pathways have been set & strengthened since middle school.
The internet plays a major role in how I work, connect with others, make decisions, make money, and live my everyday life. In many ways, it is an extension of me—and so I must be extra gentle & patient when unlearning this deep-rooted way of living & being.
It’s not normal for us to be easily accessible to everyone in the world and instantly reachable at all times. This turns us into a mere response: a machine that reacts and replies and exists only to fulfill the desires and curiosities of others. This is no way to become your most divine self, or to deliver the unique gifts you were designed to offer this world. And this is certainly no way to live a life.
Furthermore, white supremacy and capitalism (or grind culture, as coined by Tricia Hersey), teach us that we are only worthy when we are hyper-connected and hyper-responsive—and that we are undeserving of validation, recognition, respect, praise, money, and resources, when we are not. Cue the workplace trauma of tech companies demanding the fulfillment of menial tasks on nights, weekends, and holidays; endless Slack messages and emails and meetings that create work for the sake of creating work; or concerns about workplace “optics” if one was seen having fun or leaving when work was completed. Someone I worked with once told me that I “wasn’t showing up the way a leader should” because I maintained my out-of-office boundaries during a 5-day long weekend. From then on, this person would refer to my out-of-office in quotation marks, insinuating that it wasn’t real, or perhaps that it wasn’t possible.
I think about how twisted this is. Decades of conditioning have taught me that I’m “unfit for leadership,” not a valuable member of a team, and not worthy of a livable salary, recognition, or praise, unless I’m available to answer questions and fulfill requests around the clock. Grind culture is one of oppression’s most treacherous tools, and I’m grateful that I get to embark on this slow unraveling and gradual reprogramming of a new way of life.
I want my thought, words, actions, consciousness, and art to come from source. I want to live as a pure, untarnished expression of the divine. Filtering out external noise is what enables me to be this version of self: one that is strategic, grounded, magnetic, original, effective, and powerful. It enables me to become one of one.
Now, my desire to check my social media and email have diminished. I am slowly but surely fulfilling the urge to be on my phone with activities like playing Wordle, doing a language lesson, or listening to a podcast. Coming back from my offline time, I intend to set certain days for checking & responding to messages, and to fill the newfound space with art-making, love-making, and nourishing rest.
As I am tending to this new way of life, I’m also aware that being less online means that I will inevitably miss things. I missed a few beautiful Instagram stories about my book that I wanted to repost (people opening up sacred spaces with my poetry! how cool!). I completely missed a tarot session I was looking forward to, which is very unlike me—I honestly can’t remember missing a meeting or appointment…ever. I almost missed calling my dad for his birthday until I was logging a new bird in my birding app (LOL) and realized the date.
I am learning to quell this fear of missing out, of people not having a perfect perception of me, of me not living up to my own perfectionist standards; and learning, endlessly, how to live into this one, precious life.
I’m only human after all, and thank God for that.
🌞 literary links 🌞
I’m teaching a class on decolonizing your writing at Lighthouse Writers on Saturday, September 28th. It’s open to BIPOC creatives, and in-person in Denver, Colorado.
For those located in Boulder, I have a book event at Boulder Book Store on Wednesday, August 28th. Grab your tickets here, and please share with folks you know in Boulder!
I talk about writing as a portal to the divine, dismantling self-limiting beliefs, and failure as redirection with this interview with Write or Die Magazine.
Gospel of a Whole Sun was included in this sweet write-up by Mochi Mag of Asian American books centered on family love.
My podcast episode with Dear Asian Generation is live!
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