💫 manifestation diary 💫
July 29th, 2022
On this day, I visited the ocean. I was moving through a situation that made me feel very small and very cloudy, but within minutes of presence with her ancient wisdom, I felt a calmness wash over me. Her message for me was gentle, but stern. “Drop it,” she said (“it” referring to my situation at hand). “You are years overdue—lifetimes overdue—to drop it. You don’t fight for scraps. Your playing field is up here. Your playing field is infinite, and you deserve the world.”
I walked home with a deep knowing of my innate worthiness. I showered the salt off my skin, and looked at myself in the mirror. It was then I decided I deserved a big-ass book deal (my BABD, as I’ve lovingly referred to it since). I brushed my long, platinum-blonde hair, and with each stroke, I said it out loud: “I deserve a big-ass book deal. I deserve a big-ass book deal. I deserve a big-ass book deal!” I let the feeling of worthiness sink deeper & deeper into my bones with each repetition of my spell.
That evening, I wrote this:
August & September 2022
Over the following months, I openly shared what I was manifesting with my community. I posted on my Instagram stories that I was working on a book, looking for a literary agent, and seeking connections to publishers. I emailed people who were working on books of their own, or whom I thought might have connections to the literary world. Out of many emails sent, some replied. Out of the replies, a few led to introductions. Most conversations dropped off.
I did receive lots of advice and ideas for how I should publish my book. Every single person reminded me of how hard it is for a debut author—much less a debut poet—to get published by a major press. I didn’t listen to most of what I was told.
Late September, 2022
I receive a fateful text from a friend saying she knows someone who works at my now-publisher. She put me in touch with that person, and we met via Zoom. This person asked me for a book proposal and writing sample. I went home and put it all together in a monotropic state, my brain firing on all cylinders on how I can show this publisher that my writing deserves the world as a stage. After seeing my proposal, she put me in touch with my now-editor, which set off a chain of events leading to the BABD:
November: I first met with my now-editor, who went on to “sell” my book proposal to the rest of the editorial team.
February - After many rounds of approvals, the publisher sent me an informal offer via email.
March - Many rounds of contract negotiation. I don’t have an agent so this required lots of Googling on my end, sending my contract to law-inclined people for review, and a very transparent conversation with an author who shared the details of their publishing contract with me.
April - Contract signed!
June - Manuscript due.
Looking back, my BABD process went off without a hitch. But moving through the process itself felt slow, uncertain, and arduous. Mostly everyone told me it would be very, very hard to sign a publishing deal. There were long stretches of time when I wasn’t hearing back from anyone, or there wasn’t any movement with the process. The contract itself took many steps and revisions to finalize, and there were periods of fear when I thought something would happen to the deal. Ultimately, the process taught me that what’s meant to be mine, will be mine.
💖 answering your questions 💖
What helped you most throughout the publishing process?
Focusing on my craft. While I was writing the book, I wasn’t thinking about publishing. I just wanted to write really, really good poetry. I took craft classes and committed to a regular writing practice until I had about ¾ of my book completed.
I don’t have a large platform and I am not a celebrity (two things that WILL help you sell a book), so it really was the writing itself that helped me secure the BABD. Also, if you write with the goal of publishing, it will most likely take magic & pleasure away from the writing itself—so focus on making your writing practice fulfilling on its own.An unshakable belief in myself and what I have to share with the world. The crux of manifestation is that you must truly, genuinely believe you are worthy of what you’re calling in—which is why I share the story of how the manifestation came into consciousness. I realize it sounds almost delusional—me staring at myself in the mirror, saying this wild affirmation out loud like the Bloody Mary superstition. But you need to dream big to make big things happen, and you need a colossal amount of belief to push through a marathon process like this.
Community! I took every opportunity I could find to share what I was working on with the people around me. Someone heard about it, and eventually, connected me to my publisher.
What does the path to publishing look like?
Traditionally, you first secure a literary agent, who helps shop your book proposal around to different publishers. People secure literary agents by researching agents that represent the genre they write in & authors similar to them, and emailing the agents requesting representation (or getting introduced by a mutual contact). Writers are also traditionally encouraged to submit writing to literary journals. That way, when you approach agents, you’ll appear more appealing to them because you’ll have already been published in noteworthy places. Traditionally, you will receive dozens of “no’s” before you get your first “yes.”
When I learned about this traditional path to publishing, I felt very averse to it. As an autistic person, I do not have the bandwidth to send and juggle potentially hundreds of emails and pitches. As a 4/6 projector in human design, I gain my opportunities by being a lighthouse, showing my magic, and letting the opportunities come to me. My human design strategy is to “wait for the invitation” (if I reach out and chase, I will waste my energy). I also find opportunities through my community. My intuition told me to follow my unique human design, rather than what people were telling me, and to repeat the strategies and tactics that have brought me success in the past.
So yes, there is a traditional path to publishing that likely works for many people. But there are also many, many variations to it. Someone I chatted with secured a publishing deal through frequently reading their work at open mics & literary events. Self-publishing is also a very viable path that can lead to traditional publishing deals for future books (you also get to keep 100% of your profits through self-publishing, meaning it can become a significant income source if you sell enough books.) My biggest takeaway here would be to listen to your intuition to guide your journey. Reflect on ways of working and decision-making that have brought you success in the past—and replicate those strategies to chart your path forward.
What’s an unexpected challenge you encountered during this process?
There are many difficult things about the publishing process: the amount of outreach, the uncertainty, administrative work, contract negotiation, and a very long timeline (I started writing the book in 2019, so it’s been a five-year process to date). But honestly, I would say the most difficult challenge has been navigating my internal fears. I have a deep wound around speaking up—I have been threatened and punished for it, both in this lifetime and in my past lifetimes. The publishing process has surfaced this fear many different times, in many different ways.
This shadow work has been utterly exhausting—but the light side of it is that I am healing the wound again and again, from many different angles. And because this process has been so long, I feel like I’ve been in an incubator for years—building my confidence, sense of safety, and self-worth; and finding a sense of peace, contentment, and joy that does not rely on other people’s thoughts and opinions. That way, when the book is out and people make comments about me or my writing, I can be steadfast and strong. Delighted even, that my art is doing what art is meant to do: sparking dialogue, mirroring people’s own lives and beliefs, and enabling people to experience the spectrum of human emotions.
Have more questions for me about the publishing process? Drop them in the comments below! I want to help break down institutional barriers to publishing by sharing what I know.
🌈 other fun things 🌈
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott was instrumental in shaping a writing practice that is easeful, joyful, and unattached to outcomes.
I share about the backstory of my book, creative seasons, and writing tips in this recent interview with Read Poetry.
My debut poetry collection, Gospel of a Whole Sun, launches in just 2 weeks! You can pre-order the book wherever books are sold. I’ll also be on tour in Denver, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York. You can view book tour details & register for events on my website.
Thank you for being here, just as you are. If you enjoyed this post, click the heart, share a snippet on social media, or forward it to a friend!